I was meant to write a blog post two weekends ago.
And didn't.
I was meant to write a blog post last weekend.
And didn't.
I have lots of excuses. In the first there was feeling sick with a cold, a concert, a lost cellphone, an early rugby game on TV, a morning nap, lawn mowing, and a childs birthday party. In the second there was a flight, some rowing on the avon, another concert, a brunch, an art trail and another flight. Combined with normal weekend things like preparing some food and cleaning the house and the laundry I sometimes feel that I don't have enough time to do these things which are going to change life for the better.
I know its a lie to myself.
On the other hand I know the things I want to change are worth it.
My mental chatter helps me to procrastinate about anything from stretching, to doing the vacuuming, to doing the running drills that I know are the first step to actually going for a run. My mental chatter tells me that it is more important to get to bed at 10:30 than doing 15 minutes of stretching. It also says that its better to mow the lawn than to go for a bike ride, to vacuum than go for a run, to bake rather than write a blog post.
My priorities get distorted and its often unclear why I'm making the tradeoff. Sometime I think its because I'm afraid of the pain of stretching. But I suspect its actually because I believe I wont be successful in fixing the injury.
It sounds like an overly pessimistic point of view doesn't it. I'm not like this about most things - in most of my challenges I believe its my persistence that makes me most successful, particularly in academic pursuits or in problem solving challenges like how to make skirting boards fit together. When it comes to physical fitness or skills I have a pessimistic streak that suggests to me that nothing I do will make a difference. That it is futile. So I procrastinate heavily about "training" or stretching or running drills.
I procrastinate about cleaning as its just going to get dirty again.
I procrastinate about blogging as I'm sure no one will notice if I don't.
So it is for me and blogging. If I've lost a sense of improvement, that I'm adding value to myself or others then I lose heart quickly.
I'm resorting to the wisdom of Yoda. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
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4 comments:
I missed my regular Jo blog.
I missed my regular Jo blog.
Self care seems to be the hardest thing on earth to learn - but the most important.
Yes, sometimes looking after myself seems like the hardest thing to do.
Another story: I've never really flossed my teeth, it felt uncomfortable, my gums would bleed, I'd put it off. Over the course of my 20s I've had three root canals and two crowns. My jaw is too small so Ive needed to go to an Endontist for the root canals at a cost of ~$1200. Add to the $1200ish each for the crowns and it makes for a very expensive hobby.
Last year I chipped a filling. Its a large one, and mostly stable. At its worst I get pain/sensation even with room temperature water, and also with sweets (!). If the filling comes out its possible or even probable that I'll need another root canal and crown.
Since that time I've been flossing every night. And I've been using anti-bacterial mouthwash too. The sensitivity is now just with icecream which is easy for me to pass up.
Why did it take 30 years for me to realise that I needed to look after my teeth, even if its uncomfortable or takes "too much time"?
How can I create the same commitment to the other habits that I now have to this one?
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