No Circulars Please

Whoever delivers the promotional mail made a mistake this week and gave me some. 

I offer to you - Exhibit A:

Promotional Mail from Tuesday 6th September

That is 435 grams of unasked-for paper (the random face mask I used to tie up the bundle was worth ~6 grams). In one day.

To put that in perspective I offer you - exhibit B:

Which cost the most? I didn't pay for the promos, so are they free? I paid for the book, probably ~$30 by New Zealand standards which would have gone for not just the material cost but also the authorship (IP) and various margins. 

What is the environmental cost? Probably even.  As I've mentioned before its the costs we don't see that are too easy to ignore. 

What about the contribution to the universe?

The flyers were:

Briscoes

JB Hifi

Flybuys

Repco - Bathurst sale

Political flyers x 2

Liquorland

New World x 2

Target Furniture

Warehouse Stationery

Noel Leeming

For all that 435 g, only one (New World) might be considered a weekly purchase (though I hope none of my readers would buy Australian strawberries in September). All the rest are effectively trying to vie for your discretionary expenditure - and you don't need or want any of it..  yet.

According to these flyers you might need "new looks for your home" or "state-of-the-art products" "massive clearance", " spring refresh" "get your workplace in order", or "new season deals". By contrast John Kirwan wrote a powerful book that brought mens mental health into public discussion in New Zealand.

There's a great sense of freedom in saying "I don't need that". I don't even need to look at that. That this stuff does not add anything to my life. Even assessing the potential purchase would consume too much energy that I'd rather devote to something else.

I didn't ask for those flyers yet someone has invested 435 grams of materials into trying to convince me to buy something. If they'd asked me, I'd say I'd much rather those materials went into another copy of John Kirwan's book. 

I'm asking you to consider, even if you get something for free, its not. We all need to think about our contribution to the demand side for these non-products.

Tides Coming In

Warning: this post contains elements of rant.

We had a nice chap from the Centre for Energy Research come and speak to us at work a few weeks ago. He was speaking about how NZ could transition to a low-carbon economy in a layperson way.  This would fulfill our obligations under the Paris Climate Change agreement - with a bonus of keeping Wellington summers no more than 2 degrees warmer than they are now.

Nice as he was, I came out feeling depressed.  The politicians of the day (globally, mind you, not just in NZ) remain resolutely focussed on minimising individual country cost.  They are happy to continue subsidising fossil fuel exploration and production despite that the release of that carbon will contribute to the pending climate avalanche. The government continues to believe that individuals will not make a change to mass transit, even should such a system be built. In doing so they leave the private motor vehicle the only real option in NZ. Our country's focus on bulk dairy production means that the majority of our emissions are methane, a molecule that is 22 times more warming than CO2.

Unless we, as people and companies and organisations and companies, can make decisions based on whats the right thing to do, not just the cheapest way to do it, we will continue to fuck over the planet we live on.

No one is perfect, and we all need to balance the needs of our present with the needs of our future. Ignoring our potential future, or expecting someone else to deal with the problem for you, is in my view foolhardy.

Public transport is designed for shifting volumes of people from home to work and back again efficiently. Even if it is cheaper to drive.
Bicycles are perfect for single person journeys of 10km or less.
Recycling bins are designed to reuse the resources that have already been dug up.
Plastic shopping bags, when you have a backpack, are a ridiculous use of a petroleum biproduct.
Dont get me started on takeaway coffee cups and sushi trays and drinking straws and polystyrene meat trays and plastic butter knives.  Trust me - there are better items and they are in your home and work kitchens.
If a product can be reused rather than thrown out you have doubled its utility for the the cost to the planet.
A great many modern items are not designed to last or to be repaired or be repurposed. Dont buy these things.
Local and central government are not obliged to use communal land to enable your carparking on the street.

All this makes simplifying my life much more complicated. It would be easy indeed if I could just put everything in a big rubbish bag and take it to the tip. However, whats best for the planet is to find it new owners who will use it as it is designed to be used.

My rate of de-acquisition has slowed significantly as I ponder how to rehome my things in the best way possible. This has also made me look at other future purchases with a different lens.

I hope the above has made you think a little about what a difference you can make, even if its in a small way.

Consumption on the Brain

When you're re-rationalising everything you own it changes you.

I can't look at purchasing anything the same way - it is all stuff that will end up in my re-homing pile. Much of my purchasing is "problem solving". Oh, my tv doesn't do movie speech well so maybe I need a soundbar or home theatre system - but, apart from my current cold I hardly ever watch tv. I need a coffee making system that packs small for bikepacking - but now I'm decaffeinated.  Purchasing stuff with a relatively weak premise appears to be a waste of time and energy.

I also realised that there are a fairly big heap of belongings that are simply occupying space. For example, my recipe books. I have maybe 2 recipes from each book that I actually use, but yet the book sits on my bookshelf. Why am I keeping them when I use the internet for inspiration these days? I watch all my DVDs off a hard disc drive. So why do I have a shelf full of DVDs?

It seems to me that this simplification process is like finding a needle in a haystack. Every so often you think you're getting somewhere, but then you look up and realise most of the haystack is still sitting waiting for you.

Cleaning Out

As I mentioned last time I've been cleaning up.  To be honest, though, the process is trying.
Even before I decide to let go of the item there is a range of agonising that I seem to need to do.

This is a snapshot of what my brain says to me.

The recollection of buying the item
"Oh, I remember buying this!"
"I paid over $200 for it - I got a great deal through a workplace buying group*."

The recollection of using the item, and the reasons why the item isn't currently used.
"Its really too warm for riding but not waterproof. So its not usable by me in Wellington as the weather is generally cold and wet as opposed to cold and crisp."

But I might need it (just in case)!
My brain then tries to invent scenarios where I can use the item, thereby justifying keeping it. In particular, my desire to be "independent" and not need anyone else is challenged every time I let go of things.

I could upcycle/reuse
My brain suggests that instead of using a teapot as a teapot (cos I usually just use a tea basket) I could turn it into a plant pot instead. Yes, really, my brain suggested that.

The resignation - that I never should have bought the item in the first place.
This part usually makes me sad. :( I feel like the dream I had that inspired me to buy it in the first place has died. The dream of sitting around drinking tea out of a pretty tea pot is somehow dying. But really, I do plenty of sitting around drinking tea - just without the prettiness.
I also get gobsmacked by the amount of money I spent on items I don't use. The number (which fortunately I don't track) is gobsmacking.

Then I get an interlude, as it enters the blue plastic bin for re-homing.

Then, the question is : What next?

Is this likely to sell for anything exceeding the hassle factor? 
Frankly, selling something via Trademe or Neighbourly I probably wouldn't do for less than $20. I find managing the process and completing the sale a distraction from life. So thats pretty much the minimum I'll actively sell something for.

Some things I feel should sell for what I list them, but for some reason they don't go which mystifies me. Possibly I haven't found the buyer yet, or the buyer hasn't found me.

Sometimes the things I want to sell have minor issues that I need to resolve before I list them which holds up the whole process.

If it fails to sell in one round, I have to enter into the next step as well.

Can I give this away to Friends and Family?
If I'm going to give it away, I'd far rather friends and family benefitted if the item would add value to their life.

Can I give this away to a charity?
The Salvation Army shop in Karori has benefited from a range of my belongings, but it is not always the right place. For example, cycling equipment and clothing are unlikely to get good new homes this way. So I've been forced to research a number of different options for disposing of specialty items.

Do I have to throw it away?
This really is a last resort. I hate the idea that whole and semi usable items end up in a landfill, yet many modern items are not built to last, nor for maintenance or recycling. This, in my view, should be unacceptable to us as a society.

Its not easy, nor fast. Its distinctly uncomfortable and personally challenging as I examine each item. Despite the necessary emotional shock, I'm already feeling the benefits of emotional clarity - I can find items and I only have items I actively use.

If you have a favourite charitable organisation for receiving goods - I'd love to hear from you!

Cleaning Up

I think I've always been a good consumer. My consumption is more to do with making my life look like the one I think it should be than the one it is.

The one I often think it should be is one that I'm happy and successful, with a nicely kept house, with provisions for any drop in guest, with the tools I need to fix anything by myself, clothes for all the appropriate occasions from DIY work to funky cool to formal wear, furniture and bedding in my spare room, gear for all the sports or activities I participate in or would like to participate in, pantry ingredients for things I would like to make or didnt make, kitchen utensils for every situation... and so it goes on.

Its alot of stuff.

I've been trying to consciously cut down on my belongings - in particular rehoming things that I don't use. Ideally I'd exchange them for cash via TradeMe or Neighbourly or Facebook when the item is worth the hassle, but I've also been donating bins of kitchen things and clothes to the Salvation Army or rehoming to friends. If I do make some money out of it I specifically transfer the money out to a savings account to add it to the Mortgage at the earliest convenience thus avoiding the risk that the money is assimilated into Friday night drinks.

Significantly, I'm down to three bicycles and I think two is the right number. That will mean a different two from the three I have now though - one a road/commuter/tourer, one a mtb, probably with 130mm of travel.

In doing so I've been consolidating storage things - empty a set of drawers and find a new storage place for all the things. As the things I've been 'storing' come out I realise how little they get used and they too get rehomed appropriately.

Here's to a simpler (and cheaper) life!

What Is Important?

Limited time puts things into perspective that you've never considered.

• What would your ideal day look like?
• If you didn't have to work for money, what would you do?
• If you had 9 months to live, how would you spend that time? 
• What do you want your eulogy to say?

I find questions like this to myself insightful and revealing.

What would your ideal day look like?
In the weekends I sometimes get my idea day - a gentle awakening. A slow breakfast at home with the cats, pottering in the garden or basement getting things "tidy" or "sorted" for the coming day/week/season. A social lunch with a few friends, then a mountain bike ride somewhere interesting or new - the objective not being my fitness or training but rather exploring or socialising.

If you didn't have to work for money, what would you do?
I'd probably end up volunteering for things based on the need of others - up to a point, whatever was most needed at any one time. Even now, if I have a free day and am aware that help is needed I'm pretty quick to put my hand up - usually at mountain bike events but also tree plantings and trail building. If I had no financial constraints I'd end up doing a lot more of this, and probably take a bit more responsibility (which usually I avoid). It is important to me, however, that these activities involve people. I have very little motivation to do these things without being part of a team or community.

I don't imagine this would be enough on its own. In which case I'd probably sign up for courses or lessons, whichever took my fancy at the time - languages, history, permaculture, programming  all have their appeal.  I'm not sure that I'd want to be completely immersed in any one thing to the exception of all others.

If you had 9 months to live how would you spend that time?
First up, I'd spend a decent chunk of time with my parents, siblings and older more distant relatives. I find as a single person living alone it can be a tremendously lonely experience with a feeling of disconnection or not being anchored. I think I'd die happier if those connections were stronger.

Then, a bunch of travel, at a slow pace. Meeting random people as I go and opening myself up for adventures that crop up. I believe this would make me feel like I'd truly lived.

What would you want your eulogy to say?
I'd hope that people would think that I was a good person, who could be relied on for support when needed. That they valued me in their life.

Answering questions like this makes me aware - no where in this is "work". I don't crave sitting at a computer; in fact most of my preferences are outdoors. People also feature heavily - activities arent satisfying unless they involve people. As an introvert I need to manage this better as though I find being with people tiring they also are part of life meaning for me. There's also a liking for novelty and new things. I wouldn't necessarily say I like new all the time - I have a great liking for a daily routine and a weekly rhythm, but also a desire for learning things and new experiences.

I don't want to wait til I'm 65 for this.

I don't have to.  I've  had my priorities not well aligned with my actions for so many years that its taking some time to reorient. Its time to sort things out.

This Is Why An Emergency Fund Is Important

Dear Joanna,

Your tooth has a dying/dead pulp (nerve) and the root canal spaces inside your tooth have started to become infected. This infection is the cause of the recent acute symptoms associated with your tooth.

Root canal treatment is necessary for your tooth. The alternative treatment option for your tooth is extraction. If left without any treatment the symptoms associated with your tooth will eventually worsen with time. The success rate of root canal treatment for your tooth is approximately 80-90%. If your tooth fails to respond to the treatment then an additional surgical procedure may be required to allow complete healing to occur.

With regards to the cost of the root canal treatment, this will be $1900.00. Half of this fee is due at the first treatment appointment and the remainder on completion of treatment. There is no charge for any follow up appointments required to assess healing.

If you have any queries or problems before your next appointment, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Kind regards

But Why?

It all came to a head one winter week.

My team was being restructured. My friend and more experienced colleague was getting disestablished under the premise of team efficiency. But, especially as they were keeping my role, it was apparent that it was more personal.

The Corporation does not exist to provide us with meaningful work. It exists to create growing profits - just making lots of money isn't enough. Shareholders expect an underlying increase in value of a company. The company should be making more widgets, charging more per widget, or reducing the cost of the raw materials of the widget. As demand in NZ is relatively flat but the tolerance for higher priced widgets is very low, that just leaves the last one - reducing the unit cost. Do more with less. In this case, less people. Less expensive people.

As a single person with a mortgage, and a career that I'd call "varied" but others would call "inconsistent" I felt vulnerable. I've never had a problem getting another job, but then I've never been forced to under pressure and not while I've had the mortgage in play.

I very much resent that the Corporation, through no actions of my own, might decide I cost them too much and I'd be better replaced by a recent graduate for half the price.

I very much want to keep my house.

I very much want to do some long trips and really get to know a place. This is difficult to do with 4 weeks annual leave and a mortgage to pay. I don't want to wait til I'm 65 to do it.

The Corporation is not any different in any other private company. The public sector seems to be only in theory better; in practice its more prone to random philosophic restructures than anywhere else. I'd like to build a life that has meaning for me and not keep putting off things until I have enough annual leave or have saved enough over the mortgage bill.

The Corporation doesn't owe me a living but neither do I owe it my life. If I can, I'd like to break free of the dependency. I'd like to have a choice.

Goals and Being S.M.A.R.T.

I used to be one for S.M.A.R.T. goals. I guess it appealed to the engineer in me that I could set and achieve a goal which was specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timebound. It seems to make absolute sense that I could break a goal (compete in a triathlon) into its component parts (swim, bike, run, transitions), tick them off progressively (learn to run, gradually increase the distance no more than X%, improve swimming stroke efficiency, increase swimming distance to Y km), and magically achieve anything I wanted.

However. My mindset was insufficiently flexible to accommodate injuries (shin splints), illness (usual winter colds), work travel (too many aeroplanes and airports, jetlag, also see illness). I would become horribly disappointed with myself that I was unable to stick to such a simple concept. At the first challenges I would realise that my goal was at risk and become disillusioned and demotivated.

I threw away the whole concept of S.M.A.R.T. goals as I regarded them as a negative influence on my psyche.

In some ways, though, being able to state ones goal out loud is tremendously motivating. When each individual decision comes up that will either take me closer towards my goal or further away I can make a conscious decision recognising the true impact of that decision and explain it to otheres Ideally of course, we outsource most of these decisions so that we dont have to decide at all.

As I've mentioned before I'm trying to pay down as much mortgage as I can so I can do a period of travel. Specifically, I'd like to take a year off and rent my house out to travel by bike overseas. As I need the house to be self-supporting financially while I'm away there is a certain amount of debt the rent can carry. That is very measurable. I've made a bunch of assumptions in my magic spreadsheet including interest rates, rental income, and the costs of management and maintenance.  I need to have my house debt below 150k to kinda break even though admittedly at this level I've been a bit conservative about rental income and interest rates.

Its also very achievable in the next few years - well, according to my magic spreadsheets at least! Each month I see a significant amount of principal getting paid off  which is definitely helped by the current low interest rates. All going well I should get there sometime in 2017 and travel in 2018. Which makes it also both realistic and timebound.

I think the difference at the moment is that I have enough buffer to cope with the ups and downs. I have a healthy emergency fund that is sitting there gathering interest and money is allocated monthly as soon as I get paid for my core bills.

When the goal is close enough to be conceivable this is like gold dust for your motivation! But, its also so close that I'm constantly tempted to spend money on bike or bike accessories or travel guides for some of the routes.... The self sabotaging part of my brain kicks in. It likes to plan ahead and be prepared, but should I indulge it I might lose the progress I'm making.

No, I dont need a new bike now. Lets flog the ones I've got for another 2 years. Maps and travel guides change. Get them at the time; get them as I go (as I'm not going to want to carry it with me!)

These conscious decisions are eroding my ability to focus on that which matters, which is keeping my costs low and therefore the rate of debt paydown. The default answer to all these ideas has to be no as they consume so much mental energy, not to mention computer and internet time.

I need to save my energy to make conscious decisions that matter.  To cook the beans from my garden, not buy brocolli from the supermarket. To cook the multitude of frozen berries in my freezer, not buy treats or sweets. To fix my bikes with the parts I have in the basement, not solve all my problems at the bike shop. To do the maintenance on my house myself, as I know I can figure it out if I take the time. To lend my time and car/strimmer/waterblaster/axe as much as possible to those near me, and not be afraid to ask for support when my jobs need a second pair of hands.
These are the conscious decisions that matter.

Who knows, I might actually manage to achieve a SMART goal. Stay tuned!

Dumbstruck

All this focus on my own reactions, and peoples reactions to my reactions, leads my brain in one continuous and never ending circle. Where is the start and where is the end? I'm not right, but neither are you. We're both hurting and uncomfortable.

Its too easy for me, in my silence, to avoid the uncomfortable. Being silent and uncomfortable is more comfortable than risking your reaction by saying what I really mean. If I say what I really mean then you might tell me what you really mean. That might mean that you don't want me here or in your life and the rejection would be awful. You might think I'm wrong in my feelings leaving me unable or unwilling to relate to you and back in silence.

I have to believe that I have intrinsic value, including all my faults. Similarly I have to believe that you have intrinsic value, including all yours.
We all have faults, advantageous in self-protection but useless in relationships.
We all have feelings, born of a lifetime of different perceptions.

Like creaky bicycle gears, the stops set in the wrong place, the cable too tight, a Karapoti worth of grit on the chain links, we mesh together, skip a beat or two, maybe fail to disengage from the need to be right or validated and wind up with a chain wrapped around your chainstay.  Or we could be flung apart in mutual hurt.

Only with a little of maintenance can we put ourselves back together again.

Starting Again. Again.

Routines are precarious things. A single element - even a good one like a holiday - can result in a rebalancing of priorities. Those precious coloured marbles slipped through my fingers to the ground and lie amongst the grass.

It is time to re-establish my long term goals. The main one for me, which has been in play for a number of years, is the massive paying down of house debt to enable me to do a period of travel. It has not been easy to compromise short term fun for medium term freedom. The short term fun over the past few months has included various holiday and biking toys, clothing, yummy cheese and beer. The music system at home got upgraded and I've been playing with Spotify Premiums music offerings. 

But - it all had its cost. The Visa is carrying a balance that will require abit of shuffling to work. I spend way too much time googling optimal problem solving solutions including wifi router upgrades, chromecast, sleeping bag quilts for bikepacking, and european-style couches.

I'm taking a deep breath as I don't need those things right now.  There is an opportunity cost to short term fun, and while I'm definitely not opposed to it, the Want-Monster* must be put on a leash.

I'm picking up the jade coloured marble from the grass as this marble will give me freedom. It is the one that matters.

*heard this term in a podcast here and love it! http://www.oneyoufeed.net/toni-bernhard/